Help Peter Pan aka Randy Constan I'm a Lost Boy!
Posted: Saturday, November 22, 2008
by John Sammon
Sammonsays
A couple years ago I did a story on a musician named Randy Constan who is in reality Peter Pan. Hey, if he isn't the real Peter Pan, he wouldn't have a website that draws millions of visitors and that helps children in need with donations, and he wouldn't be a guest on TV talk shows.
I'M ONE OF THE LOST BOYS. In the Peter Pan story.
I've got to be. What kind of person would forget a female acquaintance had gone to Hawaii for the funeral of her father and then ask her, "How was Hawaii?"
I did that.
On the subject of Hawaii, what kind of person would accidentally set off 500 fire crackers all at once in a small hotel room fifty floors up above the ground in Waikiki? The entire building shook.
I did that.
What kind of person would see a kid dressed in a sheet on Halloween and walk up and playfully feel the kid's fat midsection, joking around, thinking the kid was a kid, and then be slugged hard in the stomach by the kid, because the kid was in reality a grown woman wearing a sheet-looking dress? A woman who could punch hard.
I did that.
Who would choose to work at a place the police raided (they took away our computers) because the boss turned out to be a crook?
I did that. I'm a disaster.
Randy, or I mean Peter, are you out there? Take me with you to Never-Never Land. I gotta' get outta' here. I'm a catastrophy.
Just because I'm a hulking 260 pound muscle bound grey-haired man with the body of a Greek God doesn't mean I'm not a boy.
I never advanced. I never grew up. That's why I don't make any money. I'm not clever enough, dishonest enough.
MY WIFE DIDN'T MARRY A MAN. SHE MARRIED A BOY!
I can prove it Peter. I still watch The Three Stooges. I still wear dirty underwear if I'm out of clean underwear, though I'll say I wear my cleanest dirty pair of underwear. I still hate to fill out taxes (I make my wife do it), pay bills (I ignore creditors because I never answer the phone), do financial planning of any kind, take responsibility of any kind.
What kind of person has contempt for money and those who are good at making it? I do. They're a bunch of fools. I have nothing but disgust for the world and its scheming, lying, money-grubbing two-faced, egotistical, un-idealistic, conniving, back-stabbing, con-artist, ruthless, steal-from-their-mother, petty, greedy, two-bit punk politicians and businessmen in their pin-striped suits and carrying their briefcases. The world is the way it is because of them.
Peter, you and I know it. Peter, I heard you're engaged to get married.
That doesn't mean you're not going back to Never-Never Land does it?
I'm a boy Peter (Randy). I'm a lost boy. Could you take me with you to Never-Never Land? I'll be better off there. The world here will be better off. We can play games and fight the pirates. We can fly around.
C'mon. Whatt-ya-say?
Copyright 2008 by SammonSays.com
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