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Do you wear your underwear dirty?
 

I do.

Sue me.

My co-workers in the office are not aware of my underwear. Granted, it's not something you may think a lot about. I can't help it. It gets dirty so fast. Just chalk this up to being human.

You can put on a clean fresh pair and within thirty minutes, it's dirty. What do you think? I'm going to check my underwear every half hour at work and remove it if there's an excrement stain, and put on a new pair for another thirty minutes out of a suitcase next to my desk that has 43 pairs of underwear in it?

What I want to know is, since we all leak a little out the bottom, why is underwear colored white? So you can see an excrement stain there? So it shows up better? Since excrement is usually colored brown, shouldn't most underwear be colored brown to match? It just makes your day to put on underwear with an excrement stain in the crotch from the day before, because that stained pair is the cleanest pair you have left. You will add to that already existing stain today.

You could put on slacks with no underwear underneath at all. But that's taking a risk. You then get an excrement stain on your slacks, and it's one layer closer to the outside air and your co-workers in the office, and thus more possible they might be able to smell it (the stain) when you sit next to them.

Who are they to act high and mighty anyway? They probably have excrement stains too.

But like I asked earlier, why make underwear white, where the stain will show up more easily when you pull your underwear down and look?

You know what you can do in a case like that? If you're in the men's room at work and you have a big meeting in ten minutes and you're worried about the size of your excrement stain in the crotch bottom, you have two choices. You can force the bottom up the crack of your keister (ass) and wear it like a G-string, jamming the stain up into a place where the sun don't shine and where it's hidden. It's hard for me to suppress an erection when I do that.

Or, you can reverse your underwear, so the stain (appearing from the opposite side) looks a little fainter. The only problem with this technique is that once again, the stain is closer to the open air, and might smell a little more.

Or, you can take your underwear completely off in the lavatory (could be awkward in a public rest room), put it under the faucet and scrub the stained cloth like you were a poor washer woman from a Stone Age village beating it on a rock at a creek. Anyone who's attended a business meeting with wet underwear on can testify that this can make you fidget and itch. Itching down there can be more embarrassing than smelling of excrement.

I hate underwear anyway. I'm the kind of person who needs to wear a loin cloth with no bottom. Mostly because I look so good this way, muscles rippling as I walk along, a veritable king of the jungle. I thrill women. I've got the best build you've ever seen, so it wouldn't matter. But with a loincloth, there's no stain.

Why should I feel ashamed about being a smelly stained man anyway? Women should smell me, the good and the bad. They may be disgusted, but disgust can be a thrilling sensation.

It says who I am.

This is me baby. Every smelly inch..a man. Smell me! You know you want to. You know you love it.

Because underwear is white and you can see the excrement stain, I like to pick dark blue underwear where I still get the stain but can't see it. This is somehow dishonest.

I'm determined to attend the next sales meeting and sit next to the woman of my choice and watch her eyes fill with passion as she breathes in my musky combination of hormonal sweat and excrement.

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